Cell phone emergency

I read the next name from the list.  “Hakim?”

“Hey man, how’s it going?  I need your help.”  This is not Hakim.

The man speaking to me now has rushed directly through the front door, passing the 10-15 people waiting in line with their names on the list and is shaking his phone at me demonstratively.  I am polite.

“Sir, did you sign in?”

“No...What?” Looking around, eyeing the sheet. “No!”

“Okay, sir, well there’s a sign in sheet right here and I would be glad to help you get your name on it so we can get through everyone in an orderly fashion.”

“Oh no, I don’t have time to sign in.  I can’t wait.  I’m illegally parked in the handicapped spot.”

It’s one thing to think you can park in the blue parking spot specifically designated for those of our customers who need greater assistance accessing our store.  It’s something else entirely to assume that such a transgression would be reason for expediting your place in line.

“Sir, there are a lot of legally parked people on the list in front of you.”

“You don’t understand, this is an emergency.”

“Oh, I’m sorry sir.”  I feign frantic.  “I didn’t realize it was an emergency.  Please follow me this way.” I purposefully parade him back through the patiently waiting masses to the demo phones.  “Any number of our phones here on display are capable of dialing 911 if you need help.  Here, you can use mine!”  

I take my smart phone from its holster and start dialing.  Before he can protest, I continue speaking quickly disallowing his interjection.  “What else can I do?  Can I get you anything?  Do you need First-Aid?”  He looks at me, bewildered.  He then speaks to me slowly, as if I’m the one who is failing to understand the situation.

“No, it’s a cell phone emergency.”

I drop the act and look at him seriously.  “There is no such thing, sir.  Put your name on the list and go park your car in the lot.”

“You’re a real dick.”

“Thank you, sir.”

There is a gentle applause from the line as he exits in a huff, gets in his (take your pick) Porsche/RangeRover/Hummer/Prius and drives off, freeing up the prime parking for those who truly need it.

I return to my counter to help Hakim, who has been considerably more patient, with what will undoubtedly be his own ‘cell phone emergency.’