Cock Bombay has a boss. He is a short, forehead-endowed Filipino from Southern California. I call him the Bobble Head. With no signs of an accent denoting his nationality, the Bobble Head is all Southern California surf slang. A real “dude-bro”. And his head is huge. There are times when he begins regurgitating some revolting corporate lingo and I am filled with the urge to punch him. Then I think to myself, “Don’t punch him in the head, it looks very solid.” His cranium between the eyes and the hairline reminds one of the dinosaur skulls they found that were so thick, paleontologists just assumed they used them for ramming against one another. If a future alien archeologist ever digs up the Bobble Head’s skull she will probably lament, “this poor chap didn’t have much room for a brain so he must have made a living by running his head through brick walls on bar wagers.”
The Bobble Head is also named thusly because he is the highest paid person in the company that still has to deal with the sales reps on the front lines. In order to juggle this task, he must alternate his efforts between pleasing his reps and kissing the collective ass of his superiors. He bobbles one way, he bobbles the other. His duplicity is one of the more difficult balancing acts in the company and I identify with it. Just as I, the sales representative, have to navigate the strait between pleasing the customer while simultaneously acquiescing to the demands of The Company, so must he appeal to both Sales Reps and Executives. The major difference is that I actually care about helping my customers and he can’t wait to shake off the stink of dealing with us. Over the years, there has been less contact between the Bobble Head and the trenches. He comes to the store once every 6 months. As my coworker and accomplice, Brooklyn, points out, “he doesn’t want to see how his sausage is stuffed.”
He only watches over 8-10 stores, but he dreads visiting each one. He used to ask, “What do you guys need from me?” Now, I think he must know better than to open that can of worms.
But the pressure to win the coveted Customer Satisfaction Award is mounting. The Execs are challenging one another and it’s Region against Region to see who can get their LTR scores above 60%. Shit is flowing downhill and I’m keeping clean. Our focus is on the customer? That’s where I shine. However, others need more help and it is the Bobble Head’s demeaning task to lead the training session that will help us better serve the customer. Okay, it's his job to get the numbers up.
I make the mistake of offering my opinion in this training class:
I make the mistake of offering my opinion in this training class:
(cont'd on 6/7/2013)
