Now, I realize that I may jeopardize any chance at being elected to public office by saying this, but my Union sucks. And I mean, deep voice, drawn out, 5 seconds long kind of “suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.” When you are, on the average, over-qualified for your job, there is nothing a Union can do to help you. It seems as though only those uninspired, lazy few who deserve to be fired that the Union benefits most. Ensuring that the lowest common denominator is the standard? Thanks. Guilds, Trade Unions, The Knights of Labour. I remember reading these stories of champions for the people. Well, we have health insurance now, for which I am grateful. We have an 8 hour work day that the company manages to change to 9 and 10 in recurring “emergency situations.” I just cleared out my locker, I’m being escorted out of the store, my colleagues are open-mouthed in shock and all you can say to me is that you’ll “file a grievance?!?”
I once accidentally expressed this concern to a non-working member of SAG. She responded, “Do you have any idea what you would be doing without a Union?” “Yeah,” I thought, “working my ass off to not get fired. Same as I’m doing with one.” Apparently, it didn’t matter either way.
We walk outside and the Union Rep turns to me and says, “Okay, so this is how we’re gonna play it.” A plan! “Don’t wait more than a week,” she begins, “file for unemployment right away.”
“What?”
“This indefinite suspension--no one comes back from that. Don’t wait for them to analyze anything, they won’t. When they want you gone, you’re gone. File for unemployment right away and get to work on your resume.”
Thanks. Screw you. I’m getting my job back.
In the time it took me to plot my next course, I had definitely considered alternate employment. As you can well imagine, I had grown a little tired of being trapped in the triangle of selling a product that doesn’t work to a customer that doesn’t get it for a company that doesn’t care. I reached out to some connections, some friends. I even considered going back to waiting tables. I remembered at one time thinking that waiting tables was the worst job ever. Fellow servers, don’t think I’ve forgotten how awful it can be. It really can. I still believe that every citizen should wait tables for one year between high school and college. The world would be a better place. I remembered wanting to write a book about that. Child’s play. I miss waiting tables! No matter how poorly the customer treats you in a restaurant, it’s usually because they’re hungry. At the end of every meal, you have a chance to be heroic. Even if the food order gets totally screwed, it can be fixed while the client is still seated. My problems, now, are invisible. That means they’re impossible to solve. The network? It’s more an idea than it is an actual thing. I can’t fix it. I can’t answer what is wrong, how it happened, when it will be fixed or who is responsible. The Wizard will not see you now. Good bye.
While considering my future with the company, I was also busy getting things ready for my own personal future. Granted, I was neither as busy nor as stressed out as my Mother-in-law in planning a wedding, but I was busy nonetheless. There are loose ends to tie up and going to Africa for one’s honeymoon is a slightly more involved process than hopping a flight to Hawaii. There are shots to take, pills to pop and driving arrangements to be made with reputable tourism companies. On this side of the world, I had to make sure there wasn’t anything to be concerned with regarding my own health. Being only suspended, I was still among the ranks of the employed. That meant that I was still among the ranks of the insured. That meant a visit to Doctor Behnoodzadeh.
