It shouldn't be up to me and I realize I might be imposing my opinion where it is not wanted, but I have some observations on the subject of cell phone etiquette that I feel strongly about. Having worked with cell phones during the decade of their Manifest Destiny, I've seen how they change people and how they change lives. I'm not over-dramatizing that, either. Times have changed and, to paraphrase Bob Dylan, "Oh shit! They flipped the script!"
I started thinking about this with a list of rules for cell phone etiquette, but then realized that a general guideline with some social examples might sound less didactic. Either way, and at the risk of receiving countless who-asked-you-anyway's, I'll take a stab at starting the discussion.
The cell phone is the most socially disruptive invention of our lifetime. Sure, there's the internet. The internet has changed the way we socialize, but where and how are you using the internet most of the time, ehh? The needle has moved and the answer is "mobile."
Other notable innovations that have changed our behavior:
The television--replaced radio as the hub of home entertainment, also changed entertainment, but we still organize most of our social life around it, not through it.
The car--replaced the mule.
The plane--replaced the hot air balloon.
The microwave--replaced...the bigger wave.
But cell phones are running away with our attention and we need to take back a little control. In the wake of this tidal wave of technology, we have yet to come to an understanding of what is socially acceptable and how we should be using these devices. The schools of thought are legion and they are loudly expressed all around us, every day. As a general rule, I maintain that:
You may use your cell phone however you like, but if you are doing so in the presence of other people, you are expressing your preference to be otherwise engaged.
That is it. Read it again.
Examples:
1) If you are texting(now a verb. Social change: 1 point) someone "Happy New Years!! xoxo", you are telling those around you that you'd rather be ringing it in with someone else. You are also pluralizing "year" inappropriately, but that's a different subject.
2) If you have "glow face" at a concert, play or performance in a setting that has its own spotlights that are NOT MEANT TO BE ON YOUR DEAD-EYED FACE, you're telling those on stage, that "there's something better going on down here."
a) "Glow face" is not flattering, you radioactive zombie.
b) When you do this, you are begging the rest of the room to look at what an asshole you are.
3) Remember ring tones? Yeah, stop that.
"But I customized a song for everybody in my phone!"
Oh, so you'd rather have a dance party with that person than talk to me? Thanks, byeee!
3b) "Vibrate" and "Silent" are your friends.
Bonus rules(because I can't seem to stop):
4) Make plans and stick to them. Too much accountability has been lost under the umbrella of “call me when you’re close” or “we’ll figure it out.” Your word should be stronger than your signal. Make a date, select a time, keep them both.
5) You do NOT need your phone at dinner. "But, but!" Nope! Shut it.
6) It is better to excuse yourself from the table or conversation and retreat to the restroom for a voicemail/text message check. Gentlemen, despite recent attempts at denouncing the art of phone-checking at the urinal, I find this to be totally acceptable. In fact, this is efficiency at its utmost. Not only are you respecting those you left at the table, you look significantly less idiotic than when you’re either staring at the wall 12 inches in front of you or down at your own johnson. Ladies, do your thing.
7) Lastly, let’s all extend the grace period for a returned phone call to what it once was. It can be a day. Yes, I see that you called and left a message. I'll get to it--that's called good time management. If it's urgent, I'm sure you'll call again....and text....and post it on my wall.
Cell phones are sold as additional safety measures because that's an effective tactic. I know, because when the adoption rate was lower, I used fear to get you to buy one. They were specifically marketed to make us feel safe. The byproduct of this is that now we freak out if we don’t hear back from someone within minutes. “Where were you, I was so scared” should not be the result of a few minutes. 99.9% of the time, no news is good news. Relax.
One final rule of thumb (call it a hope) to illustrate my point of view. Wouldn't it be cool if you never saw your friend's phone? I mean, when does this need to happen? Maybe yours goes dead and you 'need' to borrow it. Maybe the discussion has legitimately turned to the purchase of a new device and it's time for show and tell. Maybe a photo needs to be taken. Your friend pulls out their non-bedazzled mobile computer and you are a little surprised by it.
I think that would be cool. I think I would like to live with people who master their technology and are not mastered by it. I think I would like to be with those who say, so loudly with their actions, "you are important to me right now."
