I read the next name from the list:
"Jonah?"
"Yeah," an abrupt voice sounds out in a choppy half-syllable. The teenage boy in black pants and jacket motions to his friends to follow as they approach me at the counter.
"Hello Jonah," I begin, this time with the appropriate amount of welcome back in my voice. He is proud and turns over each shoulder to be sure that his minions have acknowledged his notoriety in the store. "What brings you back so soon?"
"Oh, you know, just seeing what's new," he squeezes out before you could count to one, one thousand. I don't say anything yet as I let him settle in and calm down. He nervously smiles, only allowing his eyes to check back in with mine if he must. Otherwise, he looks up and over my shoulders as if I should have minions too. He pokes back his black, full brimmed hat and looks back to see that his two compatriots are still with him. Then he leads on.
"So, uh, what's new? Got any new phones?" he manages in 550 milliseconds.
"Not much, man. We got that new Samsung with the 5 inch..."
"Samsung sucks," he scoffs, encouraging his friends to agree. They do so, not really knowing.
"...screen and the Peen S-4 processor." I continue in a disapproving tone of authority. His eyes meet mine for as long as it would take this kid to say Hi and quickly dart away again with a nervous smile following.
"Ericsson is the best. Whatever happened to Ericsson?" (300 milliseconds)
"They merged with a musical device company and got less concerned with making phones that just worked."
"My dad says Ericsson is still the best. He still uses his Ericsson from 4 years ago, HA!"
This time the nervous laughter on the end of the sentence escapes his mouth, uninvited by its predecessors. I look at him sideways, once again questioning whether or not Jonah might have mild Tourette's. I don't think he does, so I'm slightly less forgiving of his sense of entitlement.
"I saw your dad last week, Jonah. He was looking at the Samsung."
"Yeah right, I'm so sure, pshhh." This time the pshhh trespasses on the rest of his sentence as he sprays it over his shoulder at his friend.
"I'm just kidding," I assure.
"I know you were kidding," like it's a race to say the same thing.
"Your dad will probably never upgrade his old phone, but he's in here as often as you are asking about the new ones."
"Yeah, when he decides, I'll just order it online for him anyway and that way we can get a car chargerandcaseforlessthanhowmuchyouwouldsellthemforhere."
I make sure he breathes.
"So, you wouldn't buy it from me, Jonah?"
"Well..."
He has never considered this option, or the idea that I might be affected by his choice.
"It's expensive here," he defends.
"I know. But at least you know that I'm here to help if your dad needs assistance."
"I can help him." He's mostly right.
"Just know that if you buy it online, we can't help you with it here." I mostly lie.
"Yeahokayfine. What's so special about this Samsung?"
"Well, as I was saying, it has the 5 inch dis..."
"My dad doesn't need a big screen."
"And a front-facing cam..."
"Doesn't need it."
"International capabilities."
"Meh."
"And it's built with that Peen S-4 inside."
"Meh."
"The Peen S-4 is pretty fast."
"Huh, what's a Peen S-4?"
"That, Jonah, is something you should ask your dad."
The joke flies over his head and the two behind him, landing somewhere in the middle of the showroom floor. He informs me that they are going to take a look around and I stand in the middle of the room, checking to see if they need any additional assistance.
They won't.
His father will buy the phone online and get his son to catch him up to speed on the 5-6 years of technology he has missed. When Jonah runs out of patience for his father's slow adoption rate, his father will either a) try to return it in the store or b) come in for a private lesson on how to use it. Zero commission and one extra-large headache later, Cock Bombay will ask me why I didn't sell him a bluetooth headset for his new phone. I, unlike Jonah, will take a second to think about all the things I would like to say and then, not finding any of them appropriate, keep my damn mouth shut.
