Cock Bombay is behind me, observing. I keep close to the script.
"Hello [Mr. Customer], are you here for business or personal reasons?"
This is the line intended to inform the customer that we offer both business and personal cell phone solutions.
"Umm, I guess personal?"
Can you blame him? I'm practically quoting The Godfather. Apparently, a VP has decided that images of horse heads in bed and lake-top fratricide are the best way to greet a customer. I comply so as to avoid getting written up.
"Excellent, how can I assist you today?"
"I don't get any service in my home."
"
"
"
Instead, the script continues with a lie: "I can help you with that."
I put my fingertips on the keyboard and look up, "Can I get the phone number on the account?"
He provides the number and a screen filled with boxes upon boxes of information loads before me. A bright green line appears at the top of this account. It tells us that [Mr. Customer] is eligible for The Company's offered television and internet services. Cock Bombay taps the screen with his pen and lies,
"Looks like you can help out with this one." He clicks on the world ELIGIBLE and looks up at the gentleman.
"[Mr. Customer], Jason is my best guy. He will take the best care of you. Mr. Jason, you can come into my office if you have any questions." He starts to walk away but gets interrupted for an override code just steps from my computer. With him still within earshot, I mechanically recite the next part very carefully,
"[Mr. Customer], under federal privacy law, it is your right and our duty to protect your account information. May I use your information during this visit to discuss products offered by The Company? Your decision will not affect your service."
Cock Bombay glares at me. He gives me the look that says "if you let this guy off the hook..." before heading accross the floor into his office. He doesn't want me to say the lines, just sell the products. But he also knows I'm right in doing so.
My first issue with this part of the script is that I'm upselling a guy who came in to complain about his service. Therefore he is a) a customer who complains and therefore not one I am quick to add to my list of regulars and b) unlikely to be receptive to the idea of signing more contracts for additional shitty products that The Company offers. Just a hunch.
Beyond that, the FCC states that The Company cannot use information on your account, such as your address, to offer you additional services without your consent. But, unless I'm being watched by Grouchy Smurf's wee, beady eyes, I NEVER recite these lines. Why? Formality is the quickest end to a sale. Why, if given the choice, would I choose to plant seeds of doubt into a customer's mind by using words like "privacy," "duty," "law" and "your information"? Talk about boner-killers. I've been to stores all over the city and I never hear ANYONE ask permission before offering TV and Internet. Because they all know that we run the risk of a "no" before even getting to the offer. Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission? Maybe. Maybe not.
This is a potentially expensive omission. The FCC threatens to fine offenders amounts in the 5-6 figure range, per instance.
So here you go:
The next time you're at the cell phone store because you have a valid complaint about your failing services (for which you pay good money!) and you are being offered TV, Internet, and Home Security, do this: Call over the manager and ask, very sternly, why you were not asked permission for the use of your private information before being offered these additional services. It's pant-shitting serious. See what kind of help you get offered then.
